he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You have to summon your inner elephant
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
