There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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