I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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