That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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