It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
