1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
