I puked a lego.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
