Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
