Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
