I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
