Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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