It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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