we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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