I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
