No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We have started to decorate penises.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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