It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
