so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
