Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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