I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
