how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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