awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
