end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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