Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
try to milk me bitch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
