Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
