We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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