some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
