im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
