FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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