Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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