You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
