i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
