it was like his penis was on wheels.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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