Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ketchup is God's man juice
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
