Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
