I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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