just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
