worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
