She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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