how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
