I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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