I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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