I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
