I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
