New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
