Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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