i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
