If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
