And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
