it was like his penis was on wheels.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
