just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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