You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
