My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
