when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
