Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
