bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
