Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
