Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
