Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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